Whatever you do, do it intensely – Hagas lo que hagas, hazlo intensamente.

Date: 4th July, 2023

Section: Santillana del Mar to Comillas

Region: Cantabria

Staying: Comillas

La Huella del Camino – Small double albergue €20 per night in a triple room including breakfast. The room is luck of the draw, there are also larger dorm rooms but they are very modern and have all the facilities.

Recommend, yes ✔️. Clean, modern and comfortable, easy walk into the village and to El Capricho, kind host.

Instagram: Link to extra photos and daily caption.

Today:

It was a tired start to the day today after tossing and turning. I just couldn’t get comfortable on the bunk bed. The mattress wasn’t great and every time I moved the bed squeaked. I was so worried about my ‘roomie’ on the top bunk that I’d lay awake for ages worrying about moving to try find a comfortable way to sleep. At some point I just resigned myself to the fact that I was not going to have much sleep.

My feet weren’t hurting to walk on but when I woke I decided that today I would prioritise taking care of myself, not push too hard on my sore toes and I’d acknowledge that I was starting to feel tired, really tired. This feels like a new place for me. I might even need to take a rest day tomorrow. I have walked over 1,000 camino kms in my life and never had I taken a rest day. But I guess the time comes when we (I) have to learn that we (I) can’t simply do things the way we’ve (I’ve) always done them. Oh camino, there you go forcing me to meet myself where I am again.

Despite my toes I had a really beautiful day of walking today. Coincidentally, I end up walking most of the day with my ‘roomie’ from last night who I now know as Alex from Los Angeles. We walk and talk for hours. She tells me about her life and how close she is to her mum even though they don’t live near each other. This hits home a little for me as I struggle with the idea that my children may well live all over the world as a result of us moving them to Europe and staying longer than planned. We didn’t intentionally leave Australia for this long, but here we are and with each year that passes it seems harder to return. We walk a fast pace, maybe too fast because a time comes when my feet are so sore that I realise I need to take a break.

The next cafe I see I decide to take a break for lunch and bid Alex farewell. She is walking further than I am today. I stop at a cafe and bump into Megan and Laurence, of course I do! This is what happens in camino life. It is full of such lovely coincidental moments. The camino accommodation seems to be heavily booked at the moment and I’m glad to already have a bed booked for the evening. One thing I don’t need to think about. For whatever reason there is a bottle neck of pilgrims in the next few towns. Laurence and Megan whats ap ahead to book into where I am staying and they manage to secure the last beds.

My drink arrives with a big glass of ice which I use to ice my toes. I never usually take my shoes off along the way but I felt I needed to today. I am wearing Saloman trail runners and I am realising they may be a little too tight and hard in the toe area for my feet. I hope my toe nails are ok, I’m starting to worry a little. Megan and Laurence have eaten so they started walking again as I settle in for long lunch. Seafood and fresh salad. Just delicious. Oh how I love this about the Camino del Norte. I don’t recall the food being this good along the Camino Frances in 2018.

After a break my feet are rested and I am ok to walk again. Perhaps the ice has numbed my toes. Either way I’m good. As I head, out I pass a church I see Michelle, a French pilgrim I had met days earlier. I comment from across the road about the church. “Meh, I don’t like it” she matter of factly confidently shouts back. And then I wonder, did I even have an opinion?!? And if so, was it an honest, confident opinion or was it an adjustable, peace keeping or a people pleasing one? I think in that moment I could adapt my opinion. Look I know it’s only a church, and Michelle is from France where they do have beautiful churches, but there was something bigger going on here for me. Once again, I was struck by meeting another woman who seemed to know what she thought and exactly who she was in that moment.

Further along the way I meet up with Laurence and Megan again. We walk the final stretch together into our accommodation. By the time I have arrived in Comillas I have already decided that I will stay an extra night. I will have a rest day tomorrow and see what is going on with my toes. Laurence and I are sharing a triple room with Silvia, a Parisian. Silvia has already stayed a night here. She was walking the camino to be sure she could do it alone. She realised she could. She also realised she no longer wanted to, so she was going home.

After some time Sylvia shared with me that a few years ago she didn’t know much about herself, what she liked, what she didn’t like, she often didn’t even know what she wanted to eat. This was resonating so much with me as I sat there listening – in a body that I didn’t recognise, with a spirit that didn’t know if it belonged here in this European life or home in Australia in our old life, and with toes that were giving me the sinking feeling they were about to end this camino for me.

Laurence and I take a stroll to the beach once we are showered and settled. We take a sit in the square to have a glass of wine with some olives. We talk a lot. I share with her the difficulty I have with sharing rooms and space as I struggle with feeling I need to acknowledge people even when I just want to be left alone and quiet. She tells me ‘you can choose where your energy goes’. This sounds so simple but they are important words for me today. I notice over the next days how she gently does this. Respecting other people but doing her own thing with a calm certainty. I need to work on this agreeableness that I feel I need to have when I’m out in the world. This desire to keep things easy others. I think I have developed it in the past years as I’ve become uncertain of myself and where I am. French women seem to ooze a calm self assuredness. I knew I probably shouldn’t have been out walking on my sore toes this afternoon, but I was being agreeable!

Tonight, I sat at a shared table with a group of women who I will probably never see again. We shared our jars, cans and fresh food to create healthy plates of food. Aaaah this is what and how I love to eat. It was so simple and also just so heart warming. I realise we’re all just at various stages of life, figuring it out, all walking with our own stuff. I have met remarkable women along this camino and the conversations I’ve had with them will be what I remember of this stage of my camino. I’m sure of this.

I didn’t only take one rest day here I took three. So, I wrote a post about my standard first aid kit before this camino. I thought I was a bit of an expert when it came to blisters and the like. It’s now apparent that even seasoned hiking veterans make rookie mistakes. Before leaving for this trip I took myself off for a pedicure to make sure my toenails were in order. ‘Gel polish will be good for your toes, it will keep them strong’ the pedicurist assured me. I wan’t so sure and to be honest I didn’t really think it through. Agreeable!

As it turns out gel polish isn’t good for your toes when you’re going hiking – there’s no give in the toenails with they are so hard. When you’re hiking 20 odd kms a day, up and down mountains, toe nails need give in them. I spent three days at La Huella del Camino soaking said gel polish off and putting ice packs on my bruised toes and nailbeds realising I should have just said ‘no’ to the gel like I wanted to.

Comillas was a sweet place to have this stop though. I visited El Capricho which was brilliant and I enjoyed pottering around town. But like Sylvia I also decided to cut my trip short and to go home. This little town was a turning point. I had a lot of doubts about myself when I left. A lot of questions I wanted to go work out about myself. I was tired and I wondered if writing about and walking the camino was still for me. Maybe I was done. Maybe it was great once, but perhaps it’s no longer for me. Maybe I don’t really know what to offer in this space. In so many areas I was very unsure of myself.

Highlight:

Realising that I need to go home to find my way. It wasn’t here that I would find it.

Ho hum:

Sometimes who we are just runs its course …

* spoiler alert* It would be almost a year before I would come back to this blog. And one day out of the blue my old friend, the camino called. I answered.